Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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