we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
