Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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