lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
