Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
