dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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