Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

(503): View more from Oregon

Succeeded.

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(253): View more from Washington

just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else

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(859): View more from Kentucky

So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke

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(573): View more from Missouri

Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.

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(214): View more from Texas

The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.

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(678): View more from Georgia

You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.

(404): View more from Georgia

I'm a corrupt cop.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers

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(914): View more from New York

Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".

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(619): View more from California

I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..

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