this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
