I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
