it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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