i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
operation harelip BJ is a go
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
