I can text with my tongue
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
