recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
