Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
