Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
