dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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