dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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