Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
