I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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