So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
