It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
