why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
