I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
