Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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