You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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