We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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