I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
