Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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