Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
