Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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