Screwed.edu
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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