I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
