please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
