Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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