you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
