My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
