I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
