I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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