Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
