i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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