I'm going to jail i love you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
