Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
