Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
