Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
