k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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