Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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