whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
