so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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