I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
