oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's like iHOP with fire
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
