I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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