Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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