Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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