how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
