I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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