Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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